Torn and Tattered
by Giantpanda
Summary: Shannon asks Sayid to take her to the plane that crushed her brother. Takes place after Born to Run.
1. Part One

TITLE: Torn and Tattered  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: Shannon asks Sayid to take her to the plane that crushed her brother. Takes place after Born to Run.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Part One 

Shannon hadn't moved from her spot on the beach for hours. She sat with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. She rested her chin on her knees as she watched the crashing waves. She felt like an empty shell, drained of all feelings or thoughts.

In an attempt to think something, she had started to count the waves as they crashed against the sandy shore. She felt as if her whole world had been a snow globe that someone shook but never placed back in the right position. She was in freefall with nothing to hold on to.

An image of Sayid came to mind then: his dark eyes, filled with sadness, as he asked her what he could do to help to help with her grief. He hadn't done what she had asked, causing her to push him away. She knew she should miss him, but she couldn't. She couldn't feel anger either. She was numb to all emotion.

She jumped when she heard voices behind her. Didn't anyone realize that she wanted to be left alone? Even Sayid knew that.

She didn't even have the energy to turn and tell them to leave her alone. Yet she was surprised when she realized they weren't even talking to her.

Shannon sat unmoving as a conversation about Locke and Sayid took place no more than ten feet away from her. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to scream and curse at them both, but she couldn't. Anger wasn't something she could feel anymore. A part of her wished she could. She was tired of being numb.

She overhead someone, it might have been Hurley, telling another castaway that they had heard that Locke had showed Sayid where Boone was injured. And that Sayid, Locke and Jack had gone back out into the jungle earlier.

A sob lodged in her throat. She wanted to see the site where he was hurt. She wondered if Sayid would take her. She remembered when Sabrina and Boone had refused to take her to the place where her father had died. She had needed so badly to see where the car crash had happened. She needed to see the tire tracks that told the police officers how fast the drunk driver had been going. Instead, she was left with nothing but her imagination to fill in the details; her anger had boiled over until she had to run away from it.

She ignored the part of the conversation where she found out that Sayid was out in the jungle with Locke. Or mainly she wanted to ignore the fact that the feelings she knew should be there weren't. She wanted to be mad at him and she wanted to worry about him for being with Locke, but she just felt nothing. They weren't together anymore, so it didn't matter what he did. Still, she thought it would be a good idea to find him now, just to be sure that he was okay. She hoped he would agree to take her to the plane.

Shannon stood slowly, stretching her stiff muscles. She didn't move for a moment as she tried to gain her balance on legs that felt as if they were made from pins and needles.

She walked gingerly to his tent, which was closer than she had thought it was. She hadn't realized that she had been sitting so close to Sayid this whole time.

He sat with his shoulders slumped, working on the transmitter. She wasn't sure what to say to him. She hadn't spoken to him since the incident in the jungle. In fact she hadn't spoken to anyone since then.

"Sayid," she said, her voice cracking from lack of use.

He looked up, surprised. She didn't want to remember the last time she had seen that look in his eyes, when he was surprised and hopeful that night on the beach when she had told him she wanted a new life. If this was her new life, she didn't want it anymore. She didn't want to remember what it felt like to be happy. He reached for a water bottle and handed it to her. She unscrewed the lid and took a few sips. Sayid knew it was exactly what she needed to soothe her throat.

Placing the bottle on the ground, she asked softly, "Can you take me to the plane?"

He was silent for a moment, his eyes resting on the transmitter. She crossed her arms across her chest, prepared for him to say no. She could always find someone else who would take her.

"If that is what you need to do," he said, his gaze remaining fixed on the ground. "I will take you."

"Really?"

Agreement was the last thing Shannon expected. She had been prepared to stamp off in a huff. She should have known better. Even after everything he still would do anything for her.

He looked up at her, and she was shocked to see sadness in his eyes. "I will take you there in the morning when we have more light."

She wanted to go right then, but she didn't want to be in the jungle at night if she didn't have to be, even if she was safe with Sayid.

"I'll see you in the morning," she said turning to leave.

"Shannon," he called out. "You should wear pants. There is a lot of underbrush."

She continued to her tent. She just wanted to sleep. Tomorrow would be a rough day.


	2. Part Two

TITLE: Torn and Tattered  
RATING: PG  
SUMMARY: Shannon asks Sayid to take her to the plane that crushed her brother. Takes place after Born to Run.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.

Part Two 

Shannon awoke feeling as if she hadn't slept at all. She was tangled in her blanket, and images from the dreams that kept waking her flashed through her mind. She hated reliving Boone's death and the days that followed. She just wanted to find some peace, whatever that meant.

She lie still on her bed. She knew that Sayid would be waiting for her, but she didn't have the energy to move. She felt lethargic; the past two days drained her. But she also knew that she needed to see the plane. She needed to know where Boone had been hurt, to see it for herself.

Slowly she sat up, and pulled out her toiletries bag. She looked in the mirror and cringed. She looked horrible. She couldn't remember a time when she had looked so gross. Glancing down at her clothes, she realized they were the same ones she'd worn since the picnic at the beach. No wonder Sayid suggested she wear pants: he was too sweet to tell her she looked like crap. When she touched her hair and felt how greasy it was, she was disgusted that she had let it get that bad. A shower was in order. Sayid would just have to wait. How come no one told her she looked like death?

Shannon packed up her things to take with her. She searched through her clothes to find pants. Unfortunately most of her clothes were short skirts or shorts; the only pants she really had were for clubbing. Luckily, she was able to find her yoga pants. They would work to keep the branches from scratching up her legs.

She showered as quickly as she could, which really wasn't that quickly. She stayed there until she felt like the grime from the past few days was gone. She felt a little better now that she wasn't so nasty looking.

Feeling refreshed she went to Sayid's tent. Would he be there, or had he changed his mind about taking her? It would probably be weird to be with him in the jungle. Just the other night they had been together, but now they were nothing.

Shannon was surprised to find him standing outside his tent, with his backpack by his feet. When he saw her, he swung his bag onto his shoulder and motioned for her to follow.

They walked in silence. Sayid seemed to be waiting for her to talk, and she was perfectly content to be quiet. Although, it did give her too much time to think. She thought about how Boone used to be a real brother to her, when they were younger. She wished she had been able to get back to that, but doubted that it ever would have been possible. She had used him too many times. And now she would never have the chance to fix it. That's what hurt the most. Boone had died without knowing how sorry she was about everything.

She knew she had been a bitch to him. She tried to remember when it had started, when their relationship had started going down hill. She knew she had started ignoring him more after her dad died, but it wasn't until she had ran away to France that she had realized what he would do for her. At first she had thought it was just brotherly concern, but she soon realized his feelings weren't brotherly at all. She had been disgusted at first, until she had learned how to use those feelings to her advantage. Thinking now about what she had done, how she had manipulated him, made her sick. Hopefully, wherever Boone was now, he knew she was sorry -- and that she loved him, though not in the same way he had loved her.

She was so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed they had stopped. Sayid turned to face her, his expression serious.

"I want to make sure you're ready to see the plane," he asked softly, resting his hand against her arm.

She looked down at his hand. He hadn't touched her since the incident with Locke. He dropped his arm back down to his side. She wanted to tell him it was ok, but she couldn't find the words. She wasn't really angry with him anymore. Anger wasn't helping her heal.

"I'm ready," she whispered.

He gazed into her eyes as if to make sure. He nodded and led the way through the trees.

Shannon froze horrified at the sight in front of her. This was worse then what she had imagined. Her brother had been in there. Feet from where she stood, he had been crushed. She looked around at the broken pieces. She was afraid to move any closer, afraid to find Boone's blood staining the earth. She didn't want to imagine what it had been like for him. The pain he must have suffered. Her lip quivered and her eyes burned as she tried not to cry.

Sayid stood next to her, his eyes glued to her. Shannon reached out and took his hand, finding comfort in his presence. Maybe this is what she should have asked him to do for her in the first place.

"What did Locke tell you?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"He said that Boone climbed into the plane and tried the receiver. The plane was perched in the tree," he said, pointing. "Boone's weight caused it to shift and crash."

"Do you believe that?"

"Yes," he answered, squeezing her hand. "With the way the plane landed, it makes sense."

"Why didn't Locke do it instead?"

"He said he had a charlie-horse," he said, his voice betraying his mistrust.

"You don't believe Locke about that," she said slowly. "But you believe that Boone's death was an accident?"

"I believe what Locke said about Boone, but that does not mean that I trust him. He has kept many secrets."

She took in what he said. Boone's death had been an accident. And as she thought about it, just because Sayid believed Locke didn't mean that he had chosen Locke over her. The fact that he brought her here, and answered all her questions told her that.

She dropped his hand and took a few steps forward. Her body started to shake with sobs. She had thought her tears were spent, but she was wrong. Shannon dropped to her knees as it became too much. She wrapped her arms around her stomach as she cried.

She wanted Sayid to come to her and comfort her, but she knew he wouldn't. She had pushed him away before, and now he didn't know what she needed him to do. But she knew she needed him.

She turned to find him standing there watching her, uncertainty and pain in his eyes.

Tears streaming down her face, she said, "You asked if there was anything you could do for me."

He closed his eyes, as if he was preparing for what she had to say. He didn't respond.

"Hold me please," she whimpered.

She didn't need to ask him twice. Sayid moved instantly to her side. He knelt down beside her, and gently wiped away some of her tears. She leaned forward so that she was in his arms. She laid her head against him as more tears fell. She clung to him, never wanting to let go.

As she sobbed in his arms, she felt some of her burden lift, and she knew she could survive.

THE END


End file.
